Annoyance #2: Drivers

My #2 annoyance in Singapore may be related to the previous annoyance, as it has to do with people going from point A to B. I want to talk about drivers.

I do not drive in Singapore which I've explained in my previous blog. I explained that the prices of cars are just too high. Meanwhile, prices have gone up further; the COE (the piece of paper, valid for ten years, that you need to buy a car) costs S$86000/EUR56000. After this, you still need.... a car. I like Singapore very much, but not enough to donate that much tax money to the government.

Besides the costs, there is another reason for not wanting to drive here: the traffic is CRAZY! There seems to be a personality change that happens to Singaporeans when getting behind the wheel of a car. Suddenly, 3 millenniums of rich oriental culture, Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism will be forgotten, and replaced by Darwin's 'survival of the fittest' principles. Needless to say, owning a bigger car than your neighbor is advantageous to sustain these principles.

A few types of behaviour are particularly striking.

The Tailgating/not signalling/not-let-anybody-in-your-lane cluster.
These three are closely intertwined. There seems to be an unwritten rule to leave a 1 meter space or less between cars. This is regardless of the speed. If, for some reason, you forget about this rule for a second, another car might quickly change lanes and take the position in front of you! The not-let-anybody-in-your-lane principle kicks in, as this cannot be tolerated in Singapore traffic. After all,  you would lose face and would be ridiculed for the years to follow. So the moment you see somebody signalling to get into your lane (yes, it is called YOUR lane for a reason!)  the only fitting response is to quickly accelerate to fill the space and prevent this evil act from taking place. This is where the three liter turbo charged engine is an indispensable tool, and I am sure this is part of the explanation for its popularity. Of course, your fellow drivers are not crazy. They too drive the Singapore roads daily. So they know that signalling to change lanes is as futile as asking for a napkin at a hawker centre. So the Singaporean driver will act swiftly and change lanes signal-free at the moment there is a small space available in the other lane, where one symbolic blink may be given right before completion of the maneuver.

Inability to stay within their lane
For many drivers, staying between the lines is a task that is difficult to master. I suspect those were the kids in kindergarten that screwed up at any color-by-numbers assignment, but were never corrected, as their proud parents saw that merely as a sign of borderless creativity. This borderless creativity however is less of an advantage in modern day traffic. These drivers see lines - even when double white - only as a friendly suggestion by the Land Transport Authority where they could possibly drive. After a multi-lane turn, they will make a random choice in which lane to continue after the turn. This, in combination with the tailgating, actually causes many accidents.

Excessive Honking
This is my personal strongest annoyance when it comes to traffic. I live downtown, opposite of Mount Elisabeth Hospital. As in any big city, traffic will sometimes come to a full stop for a while. But you would think that in the vicinity of a hospital, where people are not at their best, to put it mildly, and usually dying to get some sleep (pun not intended), drivers would refrain from honking. This however does not seem to stop anyone from expressing their annoyance by excessive honking. And I do not mean a short and clear honking signal, like to prevent a pedestrian to step in front of your car (I already explained the unpredictability of the pedestrian's behaviour), no I mean a continuous honking. This can be sustained sometimes for 10 seconds or more (scientifically measured using my 1987 Casio watch). The underlying assumption must be that the lorry driver with supplies at Paragon Mall will actually finish his maneuver faster when he hears the ominous sound. Or that the gridlocked crossing will miraculously clear by the cleansing power of the horn.

Witnessing all this behaviour from the back seat of a taxi is damaging enough to my blood pressure; I fear that if I would drive myself in Singapore, I would eventually lose my composure and drag a misbehaving fellow driver out of his car and tell him off. I would explain how irrational and dangerous his behaviour was, not proud of losing my temper, but happy that I would have contributed to safer roads in Singapore. Or at least that is how it would happen in my fantasy. In reality of course I would just use the horn for 10 seconds.


In Singapore these issues are now acknowledged, and the authorities wonder why the traffic behaviour and agression is so much worse than in other, much more congested cities like New York and Bangkok. Measures like refresher training and on-board video cameras are contemplated. Funny enough, they even use the small town of Drachten, Netherlands as an example!  (see article)

Meanwhile, I will rely on MRT and taxis and protect my blood-pressure.

Annoyance #3: Avoiding the Risk-Pedestrian

Is Singapore a perfect place? Almost.... Of course, at any place in the world there are big things and little things that are annoying. I thought it would be a good time to give you my top 3 annoyances, which will be the topic of my next 3 blogs. Today, at number three we find:

RISK-PEDESTRIANS

Ever since I have been living in Singapore, I keep on bumping into people. Walking down the street, or in shopping malls, requires a sharp eye and full concentration for a continuous sequence of pedestrian avoiding maneuvers. I tried to make an analysis of this, since beside being an annoyance, I hope it can be of help to those new to Singapore.
After thorough study, I must conclude that he major Risk-Pedestrians tend to fall in either one of the following categories:

The Impulse-Stopper
This is most tricky Risk-Pedestrian, and the cause of the majority of my pedestrian collisions. The Impulse-Stopper can and will, at random moments, decide to stop in the middle of a full stream of pedestrians. A look at the iPhone, a billboard, a store with an 'ON SALE' sign, a sudden thought..... the Impulse-Stopper will stop when he or she feels like it, without any look over the shoulder. When walking behind an Impulse-Stopper, the sudden stop requires a split-second reaction. One possibility is to stop immediately as well. This is risky, as the pedestrian behind you will now see YOU as the Impulse-Stopper and has to react. Another, more safe and effective maneuver is the quick-side-step-maneuver, fluently bringing your arm and shopping bag with the six-pack and bottle of wine behind you as you pass. The elegance of the quick-side-step maneuver varies greatly with the given reaction time and the available space.

A more innocent Risk-Pedestrian:

The Direction-Changer.
 The Direction-Changer can be on either side of you, walking at the same speed, and than suddenly change direction towards you. The Direction-Changer can usually be avoided by a subtle acceleration or deceleration.

The most challenging Risk-Pedestrian is:

The Collision-Seeker
The Collision-Seeker is the only Risk-Pedestrian that I believe has evil intent. The Collision-Seeker will, as implied by the name, seek a collision course. The Collision-Seeker however will not look at you, but she (they tend to be females) will stubbornly look down, and act as if she only sees the one meter in front of her. She pretends not to see you. But YOU know she saw you. And you know, that SHE knows that you know that she saw you. She seems to enjoy the thrill. The next few seconds are crucial; a miniature chicken race at 5 km/hr; if you both keep bluffing, you will collide. Who will change direction? Or, the ultimate humiliation, even stop? One has to give in.....Unfortunately I do not always win. But I am getting better at it!

Yoo Won Hah Oh Coh?

It has been a long while since I wrote about my life here in Singapore. The reason: TIME! I thought I was living in the fast lane before, but only now do I understand the true meaning of fast lane. Plans change always last minute, last second. Sometimes I do not know in which country I will be 2 days later. Change of plans! The customer changed his mind! This customer wants to see you on Saturday! Welcome to Asia, is what people usually tell you in such situations, in a slightly apologizing, but accepting way.


So now that I am done excusing for the long lag between my previous blog and this one, I would like to share with you a very interesting topic: Singlish! Yes, this is Singaporean-English. English is the first language at Singaporean schools, and therefore, Singaporeans have in general a very good level of English. So they speak it much better then most Europeans. Please bear in mind for this statement, that the British do not tend to refer to themselves as Europeans, especially under current crisis circumstances, but let's not go there.
The only challenge for a foreigner is to understand the accent! I still remember my first visit to Singapore, when I ordered some tea. The waitress then asked something that sounded like :"Yoo won hah oh coh?" I was genuinely surprised she started talking Chinese to me, despite my non-Asian looks. It turned out that she was saying: You want hot or cold?

Another interesting experience I had: I was staying at the Far East Plaza Apartments, and was picked up by an agent to help me with my working permit. He asked me: "You stay in Fized apartment?" I answered, surprised because he knew where he just picked my up: "No I am staying at the Far East apartment, where you just picked me up". He replied: "Yes, what I mean, Fized apartment"

Singlish is short, to the point, and any consonant that can be avoided pronouncing, will be avoided. Also, any article, noun or pronoun that is not utterly essential to bring out the meaning of a sentence, will be left out.  A sentence like:   "This week I cannot possibly fulfill your request, but next week I can make time available", translates into Singlish as " This week cannot, next week can". Or a question like "Would you happen to have any non-prescription anti-diarrhea medicine?" can be answered with "Yes, have" (provided it is asked at the right store)
Then there is the legendary 'lah'. This can be used freely,  anytime, at the end of sentences. For maximum effect this needs to be drawn out in relaxed attitude kind of way, as in: "Ok, laaaaah". But also its split second variants can be heard continuously. The point here is to make the 'lah" almost subliminal..... Was it there? Did I hear it?
One last, very common example: To switch on or off is, translated in to Singlish: 'to on' or 'to off', respectively. "Please on the aircon", "Please off the light"

Two evil colleagues gave me a little book that gives a sneak peek into everyday Singlish. Very helpful! I started practicing.

I believe I do a pretty decent 'OK, lah' already, but it is still a long way to bring it to perfection.

It does not smell of urine

So yes, I do not own a car, and I do travel by public transportation... this is quite a new experience to me. The time that I did not own a car is but a distant memory.

So let me explain two points:
1. Why do I not own a car
2. Why I use public transportation
(yes I know, this is closely connected)

1. Why do I not own a car
The short answer: it is simply not worth it!!!
First: Singapore has a strict car-bashing policy. There is a limit to the maximum number of cars that are allowed on the Singapore roads. That number is slightly raised every year, but in principle, it is reaching its maximum. In order to own a car, you need to buy a special permission, the Certificate Of Entitlement (COE). The COEs are auctioned, and they are currently very scarce. They went up a factor 4 in the last few years, which is also reflected on second hand cars. Yes, that's right, if you bought a car 3 years ago, you can get much more money for it now!! It is in fact a good investement.
Currently, the COE costs around 68 000 Sing Dollars (around 40 000 Euros). In many countries, this money will buy you a decent BMW, but in Singapore, it buys you a piece of paper that allows you to drive a car for 10 years. After 10 years, the value of this paper will be zero. After having acquired this piece of paper, you will still need to buy the actual car....
Roughly: it will be hard to buy anything with four wheels for under 60 000 Euros. Yet, there is an INCREDIBLE number of Porsches, Ferraris, Mercedes and Lamborghinis on this little island, with its speed limit of 90 km/h. So you will rarely take your Lamborghini beyond the third gear. But as you race from one traffic light to the next (from 0-50km/h in 2,2 sec), I am sure it will feel good and manly that it will take your fellow drivers at least 5 seconds or more to catch up and queue up behind you! The complementary roaring sound of course is priceless.
For those that are not yet scared enough of driving a car in Singapore: there is Electronic Road Pricing! Depending on time and location, a few Euros will be automatically charged anytime you pass certain portals. Privacy concerns are not big in Singapore.

The result: a city where everybody complains about the traffic density, but compared to other 6 million people cities I would say: Singapore is pretty easy to drive around, even at peek hours. I wish Amsterdam traffic could be this smooth (with its 800 000 population)


2 Why I use public transportation
First of all: I live within walking distance of a subway station; this is called MRT here (Mass Rapid Transit). The subway is easy to use, cheap, and one particular feature that I like, something that hits you right away when you enter, is that it does not smell of urine! The fact that you are not allowed to bring food or drinks (300 Euro fine) does not spoil the pleasure.
The arrows on the ground will tell you where to wait before entering, and where the exiting passengers will go (See picture at the top). Even this works.

To complement this, there is a fine web of buses. And after midnight, when the MRT stops, there is the 'Night Rider', buses that will take you home anytime if you want to go bar hopping and clubbing.

And then I have not even mentioned the taxis. Expensive, compared to surrounding countries, but dirt cheap compared to any European country. You can stop them in the street. Or you call from your cell phone, your number is recognized and will give you your home address or work address as menu options. After choosing any of the default addresses or a new pick up point, you will receive an SMS with the license plate number of the taxi, plus the arrival time. I tend to greet them with a jovial 'hello-how-are-you-can-you-please-turn-down-the-airconditioning'.

And that, my friends, is why I do not own a car in Singapore.

I wanted to kill something

After all my positive blogs, I believe I am officially entitled to some major whining. Not everything went according to plan over the last 2 weeks.

Whining episode 1
For instance, the harddisk of my one week old computer crashed some two weeks ago. In a modern, network connected environment, this is usually not such a big problem. It would be repaired, and the data restored. I got a replacement laptop, which however crashed three days later during my trip to Indonesia. So.. I had to wait from my other laptop. Fortunately, after every ten days, we get an automated message to back up the data. But wait: ten days... what happens before that? EXACTLY! It was then that I found out that a starting backup had never been made. A back-up of my data that go back some 10 years in history. Yes, I should have asked! The last resort was retrieving my data from the old laptop that was sent back to NL. After enquiry, we found out that fortunately it was not reformatted yet, so they sent the data on DVD by regular mail. This never arrived in Singapore. Then it was sent by courier. This did arrive, today. Only with the wrong data, so we are still trying to find out if my data are still existing somewhere.

Whining episode 2
Of course, there will be a blog soon with photos from my new apartment, furnished, shiny, tidy. But not now.
I moved a week ago on Monday; the movers brought my stuff in, which had come from overseas. At 4pm I had to kick them out to catch my flight to Indonesia. Arriving back home Thursday night, boxes piled up to the ceiling, I ws not able to find anything! I got some things unpacked over the weekend, but it is still a mess!!! I wore my last ironed shirt today, so I cannot go to bed today before having finished my quest for a clothes iron. The iron board was, by its size, easy to find.

Whining episode 3
So yesterday evening I had prepared to unpack. But then, as I wanted to go home, I found out I lost my wallet, probably in the taxi, with all my bank cards, credit card, working permit, public transportation chip card, sailing club membership card... I reported it over the phone at the taxi company, who told me to report it to the police as well. The police told me to file it online. The bad news: I had no internet. The good news: the mechanic was due to arrive at 8 for installation of wifi! This, surprisingly went flawless! So I filed the police report (1.5 hrs, this could be Whining episode 4). Then I had 30 mins left to do some shopping for food before my 10pm telephone conference. As I opened the door, my door lock jammed, and there was no way I could lock it again. It was at that point, that I wanted to kill something and throw things against other things with the full intention to break them. Fortunately, I do not seem to have any neighbours that understand Dutch.
Anyway, in the store, while choosing my sushi (and sake, I really deserved it) I phoned the land lady, who showed up with a locksmith at 10:30 pm, as I was doing the phone conference. It is fixed now.

Today, the taxi company called, they had found my wallet. Everything was still in it.

End of whining.

Let me introduce you to my new pet

Let me introduce you to my new pet: he is white, fluffy, furry, lively... he grows like crazy since I first got him. He thrives on warm, humid weather. Just like me in fact. At first kind of cute, the way he attacked my shoes. But then as he grew bigger, he started to become interested in other things: wallets, bags, even the walls...His name is: MOULD!!! I thought of calling him Mouldy, like a term of endearment, ("Where's my little Mouldy?") but then I decided he is not so dear to me after all. He is growing more powerful as I write. He is creeping up on me like a heinous creature of the dark. Soon I will be nothing but a substrate of his greediness.

The picture I added shows a part of a late suit, god have his soul. I know he fought bravely.

Tomorrow I will get the keys of my new apartment. Maybe a dehumidifier will be a good investment.

I realize that beside being his friend, I am also his key account

Mark picks me up everyday at 8:00 am. Mark is 'my' taxi driver. The first time that I prebooked a taxi in the morning, he happened to be the one to pick me up. Soon he asked the question: do you need another pick up tomorrow? This triggered the current daily routine. I am learning a lot about Singapore from him. He also offers me to help with internet/phones (his sun-in-law works in a phone store), with moving (he can borrow a van), tourist info (of course, he is a taxi driver) and with female company (he partly owns a little night club). Also, he often brings me food in the morning: all kinds of local noodle dishes, plus local soy drinks, coffee (with condensed milk), tea or even a blend of the latter two. This coffee + tea blend is called yuan yang and this, contrary to the average Westerner's expectations, turns out to be a very pleasant drink!
My attempts to pay for all this, including 'hidden moves' like giving high tips, all fail. "You are my friend, it is my pleasure" I feel somewhat awkward, because I know the taxi drivers do not make a lot of money. And I realize that beside being his friend, I am also his key account. So I just stay loyal to him to return the favour. Mark understands the concept of customer relationship building.

Mark has some flaws though... one of them is being impatient in traffic. OK, this may apply to all taxi drivers around the world. But his main complaint is that drivers in the fast lane are too slow. Tailgating is his usual move to get them out of the way. Two weeks ago however, he was doing 150 km/h (90 allowed) in the middle of the night, as asked by an asthmatic passenger who needed his medicine (as Mark all explained). Mark tailgated another car away from the fast lane, after which a lively exchange of improper gestures and angry faces followed. The tailgatee then decided to get back at the tailgaiter by sending an angry email to the taxi company, who in return decided to end the contract with Mark. He showed me the letter. Apparently there had been another complaint against him, some two years ago. "You do not comply with the service standards of our company" etc. He will lose the taxi by next week. Mark tells me it is no problem, he will get another car.

I am sure he will manage, one way or the other.